Grandpa Tells us about Politics

It is one of those hot, lazy August days at the cottage.  Grandpa has his nose in a book of Canadianisms* - words and expressions from the past.  Later that day over a cocktail, his memory enhanced, Grandpa takes it upon himself to explain an important time in Canadian history - the summer of 2002.

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Kids today spend too much time playing video games and not enough time learning about their country’s past. Well kids the summer of 2002 was a crazy time in Canadian politics.  So, I’m going to tell you about it.

I am older than footprints and I thought the day I saw buzzards saying grace before meals was the day that I’d call the Liberals fiscally responsible.  But in 1993 this guy Paul Martin comes along and not only balances the books but has money left over.

Our Prime Minister back then was a fella from Shawinigan Quebec named Jean Chretien.  He’d been around since hell was a grass fire and he believed that Martin was about as slippery as a walrus on an ice flow.  Early in the summer he sacks him.

This leaves the country all up in the air – like a dog between two trees.  Throughout June and July, the public is hung up by the tongue of the garrulous media who, in their wisdom, tell us that the country now needs Chretien about as much as a kangaroo needs a purse.

One thing everyone had to admit about Jean Chretien was that he was quick on his skates.  He realizes that this chances of succeeding at the February leadership review were slim and none and slim was visiting Alberta.

Overnight Chretien concocts a plan that could sneak sunrise past a rooster – or
Paul Martin anyway.  He will retire, but he’ll do it in his own time – more than 18 months down the road.  Well now, that made the cheese more binding. (1)

Now Martin comes out the next day looking like he’d spent the night on a clothesline. (2)   This millionaire son of a politician clearly doesn’t know whether to swallow his watch or wind his food.

Martin declares the PM a great leader.  That was just too much candy for the penny (3)  - if anyone had asked me.

There is no need to connect the dots on this one.  Martin had a problem – a leadership race that’s going to go on longer than the time served by several Prime Ministers.

He has one thing going for him though.  His rivals aren’t so reckless that they will get off the ladder before they reach the ground.  Besides too much competition for the top spot might see them kicking stones down the road.(4)

Anyway you look at it; Martin’s big victory party was a long way off.  His supporters were well advised to put the big pot in the little pot and boil the dishrag. (5)  The little guy from Shawinigan wasn’t done yet. 

                  Notes 

1. An interesting turn of events.

2. A Quebec expression indicating a hard night had been had.

3. A metaphor from the penny candy store era

4. An Ottawa Valley expression that counsels good behaviour when work is scarce.

5. A sarcastic expression from the Depression.  There will be no party tonight.

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*Dunnville author Bill Casselman’s book Canadian Sayings, 1000 Folk Sayings used by Canadians (McArthur and Company – Toronto 2002) has inspired Grandpa and this writer.